I managed to avoid everyone for the rest of that day. Staying in bed was the only thing I wanted to do. And as I was laying in bed, I hated that I had given into the pressure to socially drink. Why did I feel the need to make Justin happy by drinking as much as I had? I had been in bed all day trying to recover.
“You need to eat, girl.” Heather woke me up at eight. The sun had already set and the room was dark, but I still felt like I could sleep for hours more. “I brought pizza. Jeremy took everyone out to dinner and we had to order you and Justin dinner to go. What did you two do last night?”
“I honestly don’t remember.” I sighed. I felt bad lying to her since she had become one of my closest friends in the last few years. But, I didn’t want her to know about my night with Justin. It would only complicate things. Tour was already messy, and I didn’t want to jeopardize anything.
“Well how about a girls’ night? We can order a movie?”
“I think I’m just going to sleep, if you don’t mind. Does Pattie still have Sophie?”
“Yeah. She’s been hanging out with the Bieber family all day. She’s having a blast with Jazzy and Jaxon.”
Knowing that Sophie was taken care of gave me the peace of mind I needed to go back to sleep and stay asleep until morning.
My hangover was gone by the next morning and I was able to actually think without the constant pounding in my head. When the sun came up, I got up. I had been up all night thinking. I didn’t know whether or not the feelings I was experiencing were true or not. I felt myself suddenly wanting Carson, in more than the way I had gotten to have her last night. I loved the sex, we’d always had incredible sex, but I wanted more than that.
I had always loved Carson. For years I had tried to deny that, but holding her in my arms and being intimate with her again had made those feelings reemerge as stronger than ever. It was as if my vision had been blurry until our night together and now I could finally see clearly. I wanted Carson in my life. I wanted to have her back in my life as more than the substitute mother to my child and my opening act; I wanted her as my girlfriend. I was sick of acting as if she didn’t matter to me. She was all that mattered.
“Daddy! I missed you yesterday!” Sophie smiled as I walked into their room. She was sitting on Carson’s lap, but she jumped up to give me a hug.
"I’m going to go take a shower," Carson said quickly. I smiled as she passed me, but the courage I had worked up disappeared as I saw how nervous she was around me. She didn’t make eye contact. She didn’t want to talk to me.
"So tell me all about your day yesterday," I smiled as I sat down with Sophie. "I heard you got to hang out with Grandpa?"
"He told me not to call him Grandpa anymore. It makes him feel old. Lord Rauhl took us to the go cart track! It was so fun!"
"Lord Rauhl?" I laughed at my dad’s lame attempt to stay young as I tried to stay in the present. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Carson. What was she doing? Was she thinking about me? Was she regretting our night together?
It was a little before ten when I got into the shower, but it was eleven by the time I reemerged from the bathroom. I was trying my best to avoid everyone— Justin, Pattie or any one else who would want me to talk about the night. I didn’t want to think about it. I knew I would have to face Justin eventually, but not yet.
I checked my phone as I sat down, my hair up in a towel and a robe wrapped around me. I was stalling, but I didn’t care.
I had four missed calls from Evan. I didn’t even bat an eye at it. I threw my phone onto the bed and went back into the bathroom to do my hair. I didn’t want to talk to Evan. He’d been trying to get a hold of me for two days, but I wasn’t interested in talking. I needed time to figure my life out. But, that was hard to do when I didn’t want to talk to Justin, either.
It was late afternoon when Sophie finally asked if we could go find Carson. Since I was around all of my family and crew, I didn’t want to be the one to suggest it. But, when my six-year-old wanted to go find her mommy, how could I say no?
“Mommy!” Sophie exclaimed when Carson opened the door to her hotel room. “What are you doing in here? We have to go get on the bus!”
“I know! I was just talking to Aunt Jules. She said I’m supposed to give you a big hug for her,” She said as she leaned down and pulled Sophie into a big hug and then started tickling her. I laughed as Sophie’s high squeals erupted into a contagious laughter.
“Is this your only bag?” I asked, walking towards the suitcase on the bed.
“I can get it.” She said quickly, letting Sophie go.
“I got it,” I smiled politely, but she didn’t receive it well. She took the bag from me and glared at me. I was just trying to be helpful, but I could see that Carson was trying to be as independent as ever.
Instead, I tickled Sophie as we followed Carson down the hallway and out to the bus.
When we got to the bus, Pattie was waiting for us. Everyone else had already left, but Pattie’s flight wasn’t until later.
“Bye Grandma!” Sophie smiled as she hugged Pattie one last time. She wasn’t too torn up about it because she knew that the holidays were in just two weeks. By the time we finished touring Canada, it would be Christmastime.
When Pattie turned to me and smiled, I knew she already knew about our night together.
“Trust your heart, sweetie,” she whispered to me as she pulled me into a hug. Before I could say anything, she was in a car and pulling away from the curb to the airport.
“Come on, Mommy! Let’s go play on the bus!” Sophie yelled from the steps of the bus. I turned towards her, but Justin grabbed me by the arm.
“Stop,” I said quickly. His tight grip around my upper arm reminded me too much of Anthony.
“Sorry, but we need to talk,” he loosened his grip, but left his hand on my arm.
“We can talk later,” I pulled my arm free and walked onto the bus. I knew it was going to be impossible to avoid Justin since we were going to be trapped on the bus together for a day before our next stop, but I was planning on trying my best to avoid him until I could decide what my heart wanted.
I know, I’m sorry. I’m just really doing awesome at failing at everything. BUT IM POSTING TONIGHT
Thank you!! :)
Thank you so so much for understanding. I hope to post maybe tonight or tomorrow.
I know and I am so sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get a post up today. I know you guys are being sooooo patient and i love you for that, but my stress and anxiety levels are through the roof as I actively fail everything in life. I am sooo sorry but I need to put all of my focus on my homework and my job right now. I am paying an ungodly amount to go to school, so I can’t just blow it off.
I’m sorry! I really did have good intentions to post yesterday….and then my day went downhill and by the end of the night I was in no place to write. Hopefully today!
Right now I’m failing at almost every aspect of life, including writing. But I need to focus on getting my life back under control before I worry about writing consistently. So just hang in there. Only 6 more weeks of hell before I will hopefully get a break.
Hahah, well thank you!
Being so productive in class….planning Recovery. Hahahah
I have night class tonight, so probably not.
Justin Bieber fanfictions! Three main stories, Somebody To Love, Catching Feelings and Already Broken. Start at the beginning by using the links on the top! I also do one shots by request!Comments, ideas, feedback and questions are all welcome and appreciated! Thanks for reading!
*If you are using a mobile device, copy and paste this URL to reach the main fanfiction page: bieberstoriesforyou.tumblr.com/stories